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mien gorgeous schatz

i know that i should be doin’ deadlines right at this very moment, but writer’s block keep comin’ (yeah, lame excuse  :P). got mail from badly missed friend out there, and suddenly wanna write. it’s for her (yeah it’s you!), and for  me.

so, it’s the one and only love related thingy. it drives you crazy. it doesn’t make sense. it makes you think that you’re hallucinating. it’s beyond the reason why. it makes you feel tired of analyzing it. and what’s worse, endless fighting of heart vs mind whether it’s right or wrong could really pull out most of your energy. it’s a curse and a bless at the same time 🙂

and so you asked:

“What do you think? Honestly. Am I crazy or am I strange??!! I don’t know, but this whole thing made me crazy and I somehow needed a break to find MYSELF again…..”

well, honestly. hell no idea at all 😛 i can’t even think straight in that kinda situation. and i’m no less strange than you in many ways. you know me. and what’s more, my love experience is waay worse than yours 😛

however, let’s try to see it like this. it’s so human. you are as normal as human 🙂 we all are.  when it comes to love, sometimes we (well maybe only me) feel scared or insecure:

– if he doesn’t love you back

– if the feelings might change (his or yours)

– if his love is not as deep as ours

– if he’ll cling to other girl someday

– if you’re not part of his dreams or future plans

– if he’s faking

– if we won’t find another like him

– if we’ll be left alone . . . unloved

– and more of worse

but hey, so what if all of ’em did happen? yeah, from shame, bend and break, feelin’ so freakin’ stupid, heart bleed, crying, to devastated, dying, trauma, and suicidal thought syndrome attack might destroy you. but it won’t kill. it’s just something that you need to go through 😛

our part, is to let one know when we really have something special for that person. if you can’t say it, show it. life is short. there is no time to leave important words unsaid. take chance on the one you consider “connected”. it rarely happens. if it hurts in the end (been in a severe ones), love anyway. it will lead you somewhere. fall in love or being loved or both is a bless. not all people have the chance to feel one or all of that. me . . . to know the one that i love, live life happily is happy enough 🙂 i know i’m pathetic 😛

we could never control people’s heart nor feeling. no matter how huge our selfish demand and wish on him to fully love us back. however,we can control ours. we just need to be a lil braver to accept the fact. when it’s yours, it’s yours 🙂 lil voice inside whispers that. yeah, easier said than done i know.

isn’t Love should make us happy and give “self-developing/productive/creative” effect? if it ruins many plans in life, or hurt your heart, or makes you cry most of the times, or brings bad effect at most things, then there’s gotta be something need to be re-consider. does he actually worth your heart or not.  i believe when one loves you, he will do the talk and show it and you can feel it (as randy said: ignore what he said, pay attention to what he did). being away and have some time for yourself to think is always a good thing to do. especially with the family. you’ll feel better and “fuller” inside 🙂

great, i just realized that i not only don’t answer your question but also talk like heavily drunk weirdo. but i feel relieved. whahahahaha. sorry 😛

so, let’s find ourselves back 🙂 i will find you whenever i start to lose myself 😛 how i miss our kitchen shit talk. hope things are getting better. cheers, to a happy life ahead, as we only live once. for there’s always a tomorrow. a chance to start a new 🙂

shoot, would love to blabber more, but seriously need to continue on this so called study thingy. you too, right?

ich vermiss dich so!
Liebe Grüße, Schatz!

tu pac lives in you 🙂

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got “the” news bout you just now. and still . . . can hardly believe it. searched and found your picture and couldn’t help the tear to fall. couldn’t be there on the last moment, but if i could . . . these are things that i want you to know:

– i love the way you smile when you take off your fake teeth

– your tiny poor house (hell hot on summer and leak in many spots during rainfall) yet rich (of laughter) home is badly missed

– i never understand the meaning of the songs you used to sing before i sleep, but it sounds so good

– swimming across the river on a stormy night carrying my mom on 9 months pregnancy = true hero

– to forgive and asking forgiveness are attributes of a real brave heart – will bear ’em in mind

– giving advice without pushing and do the talk – work best on me

– reach high stay modest : roger!

– “better late than never” is mostly true

– you share much though don’t have much: really cool of you 🙂

– you’re pretty good in hiding things called troubles – need to master that

– pray . . . in any language you find it right to express: yes, noted

– i did try to learn boso jowo for you

– you shine when you smile . . . and so i do that too

– everything you cooked is (super damn) tasty

– i start to have a dream to build a school after knowing your lil’ struggle back then: you insisted to have all your 10 children to have a good education though you knew you were waaaaay beyond “enough” even to eat

– actually i don’t wanna be a doctor. i wanna be a teacher coz i wanna be like you

– that one midnight, i heard you were praying for me . . . i cried

– others (that only you and me should know)

things might be a bit different now. lebaran wouldn’t be the same again without you. still got promises that i haven’t fulfill. deeply sorry. will keep trying (hard) though. i know you’re watching me “up” there.

love you to the max, mbah. you stay at heart and always will. put you on my prayer.

till we meet again . . .

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29 guy

Kenalnya dari salah seorang teman kerja seangkatan. Bidang maen tembak-menembak si dia juaranya. As for me, “ditembak” di stasiun Gambir. Hihihi kocak deh. Ga bisa brenti senyum2 sendiri sepanjang perjalanan ke Bandung.

Ga tau sejak kapan, gara2 ni orang, gw bener2 suka cheesecake sampe sekarang. It’s you who made my life so colorful.

A guy whom I had “gentlemen agreement” with 😛 An honor to have the opportunity to meet you in my life, sir!

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yang gak bisa jelek

Many thanks ya, jeng. Buat pijetan dan kerokan yang maut dan menyembuhkan di kala gw tepar.

Hope you find what you’re looking for real soon, deh. Amien.

Positivity that you can’t bear.

Yup, it’s soo you!

Keep it up, sis J

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kecebong

Inget nggak waktu lo minta gw nginep di tempat lo, waktu Mas lo itu lagi dines ke Filipina? Waktu itu pas bulan puasa. Trus, gw nyetel alarm handphone tiap tengah malem, critanya mo baca2. Lo ngamuk berat karna meskipucn kita udah beda kamar, tapi cumin elo yang denger alarm itu. Elo kebangun, ngomel2 sama gw, dan ga bisa tidur lagi ampe sahur, sedangkan gw dengan bolot & kebonya malah teteup molor. Huahahahaha 😀

Ato juga masa2 dimana kita saingan nyetel dorama ”Attack No 1”. Gw nyetel episode 2 pake PC, dan lo nyetel episode 1 pake laptop, tepat di belakang gw. Trus kita kenceng2an pula nyetelnya. Bodoh banget . . .

Duh, pa kabar lo sekarang, kecebong?

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atong

Salah satu temen kuliah gw yang ternyata temen satu SMA. Quotation yang cukup berbekas dari dia:

Lebih baik membeli dan menyesal daripada menyesal karena tidak membeli.

Yang kaya gini neh yang bikin adrenalin ke”sophaholic” an gw meningkat.

Satu2 nya orang yang gw bolehin nengok waktu gw terkena virus cacar nan laknat di kota yang baru gw singgahi.

She’s my soul sista!

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comegnon

Hmmmm, where should I start, ya? Bawaan nya pengen nyelaa mulu, kalo inget si neneng yang ”fun & fearless” ini.

Ketemu karna kita satu angkatan di pekerajan pertama gw. Awalnya ngga deket2 amat. Langsung brasa ”click” ngobrol waktu dia nginep di  kosan pertama gw di Jakarta. PI boooo ;P

Ah, lost my words to tell story bout you girl. Will update this part someday!

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