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Archive for October, 2010

mien gorgeous schatz

i know that i should be doin’ deadlines right at this very moment, but writer’s block keep comin’ (yeah, lame excuseΒ  :P). got mail from badly missed friend out there, and suddenly wanna write. it’s for her (yeah it’s you!), and forΒ  me.

so, it’s the one and only love related thingy. it drives you crazy. it doesn’t make sense. it makes you think that you’re hallucinating. it’s beyond the reason why. it makes you feel tired of analyzing it. and what’s worse, endless fighting of heart vs mind whether it’s right or wrong could really pull out most of your energy. it’s a curse and a bless at the same time πŸ™‚

and so you asked:

“What do you think? Honestly. Am I crazy or am I strange??!! I don’t know, but this whole thing made me crazy and I somehow needed a break to find MYSELF again…..”

well, honestly. hell no idea at all πŸ˜› i can’t even think straight in that kinda situation. and i’m no less strange than you in many ways. you know me. and what’s more, my love experience is waay worse than yours πŸ˜›

however, let’s try to see it like this. it’s so human. you are as normal as human πŸ™‚ we all are.Β  when it comes to love, sometimes we (well maybe only me) feel scared or insecure:

– if he doesn’t love you back

– if the feelings might change (his or yours)

– if his love is not as deep as ours

– if he’ll cling to other girl someday

– if you’re not part of his dreams or future plans

– if he’s faking

– if we won’t find another like him

– if we’ll be left alone . . . unloved

– and more of worse

but hey, so what if all of ’em did happen? yeah, from shame, bend and break, feelin’ so freakin’ stupid, heart bleed, crying, to devastated, dying, trauma, and suicidal thought syndrome attack might destroy you. but it won’t kill. it’s just something that you need to go through πŸ˜›

our part, is to let one know when we really have something special for that person. if you can’t say it, show it. life is short. there is no time to leave important words unsaid. take chance on the one you consider “connected”. it rarely happens. if it hurts in the end (been in a severe ones), love anyway. it will lead you somewhere. fall in love or being loved or both is a bless. not all people have the chance to feel one or all of that. me . . . to know the one that i love, live life happily is happy enough πŸ™‚ i know i’m pathetic πŸ˜›

we could never control people’s heart nor feeling. no matter how huge our selfish demand and wish on him to fully love us back. however,we can control ours. we just need to be a lil braver to accept the fact. when it’s yours, it’s yours πŸ™‚ lil voice inside whispers that. yeah, easier said than done i know.

isn’t Love should make us happy and give “self-developing/productive/creative” effect? if it ruins many plans in life, or hurt your heart, or makes you cry most of the times, or brings bad effect at most things, then there’s gotta be something need to be re-consider. does he actually worth your heart or not.Β  i believe when one loves you, he will do the talk and show it and you can feel it (as randy said: ignore what he said, pay attention to what he did). being away and have some time for yourself to think is always a good thing to do. especially with the family. you’ll feel better and “fuller” inside πŸ™‚

great, i just realized that i not only don’t answer your question but also talk like heavily drunk weirdo. but i feel relieved. whahahahaha. sorry πŸ˜›

so, let’s find ourselves back πŸ™‚ i will find you whenever i start to lose myself πŸ˜› how i miss our kitchen shit talk. hope things are getting better. cheers, to a happy life ahead, as we only live once. for there’s always a tomorrow. a chance to start a new πŸ™‚

shoot, would love to blabber more, but seriously need to continue on this so called study thingy. you too, right?

ich vermiss dich so!
Liebe Grüße, Schatz!

tu pac lives in you πŸ™‚

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