1st gig on neverland

this is made to you especially πŸ™‚ another silly things of mine that is just too good to be missed πŸ˜› as you know that i’ve lookin for another part time since like forever (6 months ago perhaps, being rejected many times here and there) though the one i have right now is already “hardcore” enough (as you might say).

so it was my first day in that bread slash cake shop. it’s an extraordinary shop for an ordinary me πŸ˜› woke up at 2 (am dear, and yes, i did that supermarket thing too the night before) start panicking and nervous, and scared of my first day there. gotta be ready for the “gig” at 4 (am). a friend texted me:

“take it easy on your first day, remember, panic is like a rockin chair, it won’t take you anywhere”

felt better . . .Β  much better πŸ™‚ so, after a lil pray and a lot of chocolate, ride my kumbi (the one and only loyal beloved blue bicycle) at around 3:40. it was freezin cold yet a bright stary sky on the way there. arrived safe and sound, got change, and transformed into a silly kinda chef in uniform πŸ˜› entering the kitchen, and thank God it was warm inside. there were like aorund 15 people there already. the smell of flour (does flour actually smells?), eggs, butter, baked bread. what’s not to love?

well, these are not to love:
– my butt slightly bumps a pile of huge yellow plastix boxes, makin’ unpleasent noise, and mess in the kitchen. great start!

– i was like the slowest learner newbie there

– got a “sweet” warning from supervisor coz i forgot to take off my tiny lil almost unseen ear pierce

– gotta memorize 3 unreadable freakin’ long sentences of so called “management philosophy aka ideology”

– on saturday and sunday it would be bloody busy. like almost crying, nose bleeding, and begging to quit kinda busy they said. perfect way of dyin’!

– waking up at 3 in the very early morning (or is it a very late night still?) is hell struggle from now on. oh yeah, i stupidly consciously choose that path (think i need to drink more perhaps :P)

but the good things are not less too:
– a bread shop with izakaya atmosphere (live and loud)

– the store manager is oh so yess. well, how shouldΒ  i describe . . . tanned skined but not that tall, strict (and i’m sure straight) but warm hearted, young but so wise, yin and yang combination in one package

– my direct senior – a pretty (even in mask) girl, so good in makin’ bread thingy, younger than me, and very patientΒ  (as only very few people who can handle me). hashimoto san! will remember the things she teached and how to write her kanji name πŸ˜›

– team mates are mostly on their 20ies (young, loud, energetic, yet not that wild)

– during break you can eat certain breads available as much as your heart and stomach desire

– got a discount when buyin’ bread there

– making bread! how cool is that?! well, for me . . . it is cool πŸ˜›

– they trust me to be part of their team (an honor)

i know it’s goin’ to be really really tough. but i’ll give myself a try for a couple of moment πŸ™‚ don’t give a damnΒ  ifΒ  i get fired (for being too slow) nor couldn’t be a bread pro or whatever you call it, but i do hope i make a lot of friends there πŸ™‚ real friends i hope more.

oh, forgot to tell you the name of the shop. it’s the hand made bakery PEATERPAN (yes, with that spelling! and pronounce as pee-taa-pun ). see for yourself πŸ™‚

the neverland

come on sunday! it’s the grand opening. you might get some freebies there and get the rare chance to see me makin’ mess and doin’ silly things there ^^v


mien gorgeous schatz

i know that i should be doin’ deadlines right at this very moment, but writer’s block keep comin’ (yeah, lame excuseΒ  :P). got mail from badly missed friend out there, and suddenly wanna write. it’s for her (yeah it’s you!), and forΒ  me.

so, it’s the one and only love related thingy. it drives you crazy. it doesn’t make sense. it makes you think that you’re hallucinating. it’s beyond the reason why. it makes you feel tired of analyzing it. and what’s worse, endless fighting of heart vs mind whether it’s right or wrong could really pull out most of your energy. it’s a curse and a bless at the same time πŸ™‚

and so you asked:

“What do you think? Honestly. Am I crazy or am I strange??!! I don’t know, but this whole thing made me crazy and I somehow needed a break to find MYSELF again…..”

well, honestly. hell no idea at all πŸ˜› i can’t even think straight in that kinda situation. and i’m no less strange than you in many ways. you know me. and what’s more, my love experience is waay worse than yours πŸ˜›

however, let’s try to see it like this. it’s so human. you are as normal as human πŸ™‚ we all are.Β  when it comes to love, sometimes we (well maybe only me) feel scared or insecure:

– if he doesn’t love you back

– if the feelings might change (his or yours)

– if his love is not as deep as ours

– if he’ll cling to other girl someday

– if you’re not part of his dreams or future plans

– if he’s faking

– if we won’t find another like him

– if we’ll be left alone . . . unloved

– and more of worse

but hey, so what if all of ’em did happen? yeah, from shame, bend and break, feelin’ so freakin’ stupid, heart bleed, crying, to devastated, dying, trauma, and suicidal thought syndrome attack might destroy you. but it won’t kill. it’s just something that you need to go through πŸ˜›

our part, is to let one know when we really have something special for that person. if you can’t say it, show it. life is short. there is no time to leave important words unsaid. take chance on the one you consider “connected”. it rarely happens. if it hurts in the end (been in a severe ones), love anyway. it will lead you somewhere. fall in love or being loved or both is a bless. not all people have the chance to feel one or all of that. me . . . to know the one that i love, live life happily is happy enough πŸ™‚ i know i’m pathetic πŸ˜›

we could never control people’s heart nor feeling. no matter how huge our selfish demand and wish on him to fully love us back. however,we can control ours. we just need to be a lil braver to accept the fact. when it’s yours, it’s yours πŸ™‚ lil voice inside whispers that. yeah, easier said than done i know.

isn’t Love should make us happy and give “self-developing/productive/creative” effect? if it ruins many plans in life, or hurt your heart, or makes you cry most of the times, or brings bad effect at most things, then there’s gotta be something need to be re-consider. does he actually worth your heart or not.Β  i believe when one loves you, he will do the talk and show it and you can feel it (as randy said: ignore what he said, pay attention to what he did). being away and have some time for yourself to think is always a good thing to do. especially with the family. you’ll feel better and “fuller” inside πŸ™‚

great, i just realized that i not only don’t answer your question but also talk like heavily drunk weirdo. but i feel relieved. whahahahaha. sorry πŸ˜›

so, let’s find ourselves back πŸ™‚ i will find you whenever i start to lose myself πŸ˜› how i miss our kitchen shit talk. hope things are getting better. cheers, to a happy life ahead, as we only live once. for there’s always a tomorrow. a chance to start a new πŸ™‚

shoot, would love to blabber more, but seriously need to continue on this so called study thingy. you too, right?

ich vermiss dich so!
Liebe Grüße, Schatz!

tu pac lives in you πŸ™‚

dedicating another silly story of mine for my badly missed people. so, i’ve always been wanting to try to climb this mountain since . . . last month *well, last year actually* πŸ˜› it’s that legendary top icon of Japan. Japan’s highest and most prominent mountain: FUJI-SAN aka MOUNT FUJI. thought to do it 2 weeks ago, but for some reasons i had to cancel it. got unexpected climbing invitation from a friend, and excitedly accepted it.

borrowed so many climbing stuffs from friends (well, i did contribute something for myself: tiny lil guts :P) and ready to beat that mountain. so, it was the four of us. me, my friend, and another two friends. off from shizuoka around 3 am by car. the mountain is divided into ten stations with the first station at the foot of the mountain and the tenth station being the summit. well, the plan was to put the car at 5th station, from where most people start their ascent. however, due to this catastrophic traffic (soo many cars were lining up to 5th station). we put the car in around 7km before 5th station. let’s picture this:

– my friend: a super sporty girl, regularly exercises in the gym

– another two friends: active young guys, holding records of 5 times climbing FUJI-SAN (it was their 6th times!)

– me: last sport i did was fencing, on my college years, 1st year! almost like 10 years ago

see how extensive the physical condition contrast among us? so, i was thinking: great, maybe i can only make it till 5th station. or even faint at the 4th station. so, we start walking to 5th sation. somehow, we made it *we = me included* took a short break. we could see the peak and seemed near and reacheable, but hey, we could also see the sun and it’s not near at all. remembering my motivation to reach the peak: to give birthday greeting for a dear friend andΒ  . . . well i just wanna know how it looks like up there.

so, took a pee (toilet still free at 5th station :P), put lotsa 50 spf sunblock, hat, gloves, sunglass, and continuing mission. it was a bright sunny day, hot like hell, but scenery along the way up was clearely viewed. soo many people were there. kids, elderly, hot hunks self-climbers (what a waste, need a companion, handsome? huahahahaha :D), some also climbs in style!

– 6th station: saw some vending machine there. drink like crazy. ankle hurts

– 7th station: okay, that’s it! enough is enough! until . . . i saw this old lady (around 70 years old or older perhaps), alone, going down, passed me by. fine! i’ll try a bit more

– 8th station: okay, i definitely will stop now. altitude sickness is on. inhaling oxygen-in-a-can like crazy. doesn’t seem really workin’ though. shoot! until . . . i saw this cute lil girl (around at her 1st year elementary) climbing up, laughing and looks happy. fine! i’ll try a tiny little bit more

– 9th station: ankle numb, dying, crying outloud inside . . . but it’s one more station to go

– 9.5th station: uncle f*cker! NINE and HALF?! what’s with the HALF?! continue climbing while swearing by heart

– 10 station: alive and speechless . . . can’t think of any

and just when i thought it’s really really the peak, a guy told us that the real peak is “right there” around 30 minutes to go. uwhaaaat?! it’s not the real peak. why on earth is *** ooh, tooo tired to swear even by heart.

well, i went there okay! the real peak of the peak. aaaand . . . the view was so breathtaking πŸ™‚ it is rewarding.

but it was not over yet of course. i had to go down. noooooo! lookin’ around if there’s an airplane or helicopter that’ll give me a ride? or para glide renting, perhaps? pretend dying so that some (brave-good looking) paramedic team will come and rescue me (like in my snowbutt experience case)? or should i dig my own grave and burried my self there? or just jumped out in that beautifull blue sky? well, since if i die i couldn’t share this story to you, i gotta stay alive a little longer ^^v

miracle do happen. arrived alive at where we started. reached home at 9 pm. took a shower, eat wildly like a camel (i don’t care if camel’s not a wild animal, allright). and sleep by holding severe pain all over my body and soul.

i never thought i made it. woke up early on the next day, pinched my feet, and scream cos it still freaking hurts, and realized that it is not a dream. it’s officially become one of my lifelong memories πŸ™‚

as the Japanese say, a wise man climbs Fuji once, and a fool twice. well, since i am fool enough, we’ll see will i do it again next year πŸ˜›

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will.
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with the twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worse,

do it anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.Β  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.Β  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.Β  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.Β  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.Β  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.Β  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.Β  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.Β  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.Β  It was never between you and them anyway.

got a sudden voice from the heart call to go visiting a long-time-no-see friend. one of a special one πŸ™‚ failed to go by cheap ticket train, end up taking a night bus. so with strong will and guts, heading alone to the land where great foods lies \^o^/

departing on 10 pm, stop once somewhere, sleepless (worried will self silliness syndrome attack on current trip), and arrived at early morning at train station of Osaka πŸ˜€ first step on one of my dreamland. take a deep breath, and shout out loud: “WHOOO, HOOOO, OOOOSAKAAAAA \^o^/” . . . by heart, and self smiling (with teeth shown for sure), ignoring people who gave me a “who’s dat self-smilin weirdo?” kinda look, while walking on my way to take train to Tennoji Station where my friend lives.

slight old city view from the train’s window, heard Osaka people talking with their famous slang, think that they’re “warmer” than those Tokyo’s. unbelievably didn’t get lost, arrived at Tennoji Station. glad to finally meet the long-time-no-see friend.

a bit story bout Osaka back then (steal from wiki):

“Osaka was, for a long time, Japan’s most important[13]Β  economic center, with a large percentage of the population belonging to the merchant class (see Four divisions of society). Over the course of the Edo period (1603–1867), Osaka grew into one of Japan’s major cities and returned to its ancient role as a lively and important port. Its popular culture[14]Β  was closely related to ukiyo-eΒ  depictions of life in Edo. Developing in parallel with the urban culture of Kyoto and Edo, Osaka likewise featured bunraku and grand kabukiΒ  productions, pleasure quarters, and a lively artistic community.”

and so the trip begins . . . thank God for the nice weather. walked around the famous street, saw things, and took random pictures (this time i used fully charged camera, not mine :P). next impression of the city: noisier, dirtier, messier, louder of Japan that i knew so far. it’s not like Japan! which is cool! i love the city! people are warm, buildings are vintage, performers are averywhere. it’s like what people say: Tokyo’s opposite version
! not to forgot to mention the food. rocks! “managed” to eat these things till drop: kushikatsu, okonomiyaki, takoyaki, taiyaki, manju, couple of bread, and more ;P

definitely a recommended place for a journey exploration. dying to see more of Osaka someday πŸ™‚ wanna tell more but got things to do.

heart the place, heart the trip, and heart the partner. perfect partner makes a journey perfect \^o^/ till we meet again! OOKINI!


so, there’s always the first time. and this is the story of my first snow. that day . . . this “historical” thing happened. went to a place named hakuba in nagano. dying excited to experience my very first snow. took a bus, wellΒ  a tour bus. saw the snow already along the way, and it was breathtakingly beautiful (snow felled quite heavy on previous night). better view than i’ve ever imagined.

after 5 hours endless waiting, finally arrived on this ski and snowboard “playground”. mindless yet bravely confidence to choose snowboarding. rent the clothes, shoes, board (it’s pink), and goggles. feel kinda awkward at first (the shoes are heavier than i thought). and . . . feel kinda broke too. the rent was quite pricey πŸ˜₯

touch the snow down! little smile (with teeth seen) for my tiny little dream come true moment πŸ™‚ yaay \^o^/ tried to slide with the board. first slide: total mess! landed several times with butt touch the ground down before the broad itself.Β  second and several slides after: still . . . mess πŸ˜› successfully hit an old “un-guilty” grandpa too during “practice”. yeah, unforgivable sinner i am. felt badly hurts on right hand after the “accident”. however, didn’t feel cold at all though only wore stocking under the rented pants. shamelessly slide or should i say rolled over and over and over, i got exhausted and hurt (especially on the butt part) then took a short break. sit on a bench and saw people skiing and snowboarding (with board of course, not with butt like i did). the looked really cool. the clothes, the way they slide . . . and felt like being slapped so hard as i watched quite many little kids sliding smoothly. envy them 😦 and just a moment i’m about to quit the game, saw a guy in his wheelchair did skiing . . .Β  smoothly, no joke. decided to give snow-butting a couple of times again. well, the fun was still on until . . .

took a challenge from a friend to go to the very top of the “playground” and slide from there. didn’t know where i the guts to do it. not drunk for sure. well, i did pay quite much to rent the stuffs, so i thought i should give it a shot. took a pic from that top (with a silly dorky diligent pose) before sliding the hill down and . . . i began to slide. i did pray before i slide. OH MY GOD, it was freaking scary! to death! to the max! once you slide you can’t go back. no one could help you. it’s a thing you need to finish by yourself. plus, those talented kids were passing me with style. half hour passed, and i was not going down far enough. rolled over badly, this time not only the butt, but face touch the ground before the board nor any other body parts. i did wanna kiss the snow, but not in that kinda way 😦 snow was all over my body, inside the hat, the gloves, and the goggles. started to feel real cold and my body started to shiver. could this be my karma of hitting the previous old grandpa? prayed for miracles. really wanna quit the game but i couldn’t. several desperate-genius ideas came across my mind:

(1) paint huge SOS sign with blood
(2) shout “dareka, tasukete kudasaaaaaaaaaaai!” (somebody, heeeeeeeeeeeelp!)
(3) pretend to die

as i was going to think the 4th way of asking help, again . . . another talented bunch of “kids” passed me. with little pride left, i decided to slide a bit more . . . and GOD showed the way out. saw a tiny guard box, with a guard inside. a beautiful young guard came to help. asked if i’m okay. i said “are you kidding? can’t you see i’m about to die?” inside the heart, smiled and replied that i’m okay. showed my right hands and said it hurts so bad and my legs become numb (in an improper Japanese of course). couldn’t hide that i was really shocked when i showed her my hand, it was getting huge! don’t know what it’s exactly called. seriously it was scarily getting bigger. so big that you might laugh out loud if you guys saw it. wait, you might laugh hard, cos the shame hasn’t over yet.

the guard called a guy, a guy came, skiing and carrying only backpack. saw my pale freaking out to death face, and called another guy. another guy came, skiing, carrying a bed kinda stuff, put me there, wrap me in blanket. i said sorry for causing you trouble kinda thing. said that i felt so embarrassed. they replied “you don’t have to. we’ll cover all your body (face included)”. great, perfect shame for me! i asked “hey, wait, how will you bring me down?”. they smiled and answered “we’ll both carry you, skiing”. uwhaaaaaaaaat?! so i was there, inside the covered human bag and pray for life and . . . world peace πŸ˜› it was unbelievably painless smoothest slide i had that day. they’re a total pro! heard some people chuckled saying “what the hell is that sliding stuff?” heard also “kids, be careful, they’re carrying dead body”. wanted to open the cover and said “hey,Β  i’m not dead yet”, but too weak to do it 😦

arrived finally on the “safe place”. they took me to a clinic, warmed me up (not that dirty “warm” activities) it’s heater . . . and gave me an ice for my giant right hand. another (3rd) guy (this guy is a real hunk) came asking several questions. felt better already to see him ;P said thanks and quit the games for real!

arrived safely at home. took a bath before sleep. put band aids all over the butt and put “magic oil” sent by beloved mom on my no longer giant yet still big right hand, slept, and skipped school on the next day.

what a day! love the snow but not the sport. worth the pain but doesn’t worth the cost. however, experience is something priceless πŸ™‚ night everyone!