1st gig on neverland

this is made to you especially another silly things of mine that is just too good to be missed as you know that i’ve lookin for another part time since like forever (6 months ago perhaps, being rejected many times here and there) though the one i have right now is already “hardcore” enough (as you might say).

so it was my first day in that bread slash cake shop. it’s an extraordinary shop for an ordinary me woke up at 2 (am dear, and yes, i did that supermarket thing too the night before) start panicking and nervous, and scared of my first day there. gotta be ready for the “gig” at 4 (am). a friend texted me:

“take it easy on your first day, remember, panic is like a rockin chair, it won’t take you anywhere”

felt better . . .  much better so, after a lil pray and a lot of chocolate, ride my kumbi (the one and only loyal beloved blue bicycle) at around 3:40. it was freezin cold yet a bright stary sky on the way there. arrived safe and sound, got change, and transformed into a silly kinda chef in uniform entering the kitchen, and thank God it was warm inside. there were like aorund 15 people there already. the smell of flour (does flour actually smells?), eggs, butter, baked bread. what’s not to love?

well, these are not to love:
- my butt slightly bumps a pile of huge yellow plastix boxes, makin’ unpleasent noise, and mess in the kitchen. great start!

- i was like the slowest learner newbie there

- got a “sweet” warning from supervisor coz i forgot to take off my tiny lil almost unseen ear pierce

- gotta memorize 3 unreadable freakin’ long sentences of so called “management philosophy aka ideology”

- on saturday and sunday it would be bloody busy. like almost crying, nose bleeding, and begging to quit kinda busy they said. perfect way of dyin’!

- waking up at 3 in the very early morning (or is it a very late night still?) is hell struggle from now on. oh yeah, i stupidly consciously choose that path (think i need to drink more perhaps )

but the good things are not less too:
- a bread shop with izakaya atmosphere (live and loud)

- the store manager is oh so yess. well, how should  i describe . . . tanned skined but not that tall, strict (and i’m sure straight) but warm hearted, young but so wise, yin and yang combination in one package

- my direct senior – a pretty (even in mask) girl, so good in makin’ bread thingy, younger than me, and very patient  (as only very few people who can handle me). hashimoto san! will remember the things she teached and how to write her kanji name

- team mates are mostly on their 20ies (young, loud, energetic, yet not that wild)

- during break you can eat certain breads available as much as your heart and stomach desire

- got a discount when buyin’ bread there

- making bread! how cool is that?! well, for me . . . it is cool

- they trust me to be part of their team (an honor)

i know it’s goin’ to be really really tough. but i’ll give myself a try for a couple of moment don’t give a damn  if  i get fired (for being too slow) nor couldn’t be a bread pro or whatever you call it, but i do hope i make a lot of friends there real friends i hope more.

oh, forgot to tell you the name of the shop. it’s the hand made bakery PEATERPAN (yes, with that spelling! and pronounce as pee-taa-pun ). see for yourself

the neverland

come on sunday! it’s the grand opening. you might get some freebies there and get the rare chance to see me makin’ mess and doin’ silly things there ^^v

mien gorgeous schatz

i know that i should be doin’ deadlines right at this very moment, but writer’s block keep comin’ (yeah, lame excuse  ). got mail from badly missed friend out there, and suddenly wanna write. it’s for her (yeah it’s you!), and for  me.

so, it’s the one and only love related thingy. it drives you crazy. it doesn’t make sense. it makes you think that you’re hallucinating. it’s beyond the reason why. it makes you feel tired of analyzing it. and what’s worse, endless fighting of heart vs mind whether it’s right or wrong could really pull out most of your energy. it’s a curse and a bless at the same time

and so you asked:

“What do you think? Honestly. Am I crazy or am I strange??!! I don’t know, but this whole thing made me crazy and I somehow needed a break to find MYSELF again…..”

well, honestly. hell no idea at all i can’t even think straight in that kinda situation. and i’m no less strange than you in many ways. you know me. and what’s more, my love experience is waay worse than yours

however, let’s try to see it like this. it’s so human. you are as normal as human we all are.  when it comes to love, sometimes we (well maybe only me) feel scared or insecure:

- if he doesn’t love you back

- if the feelings might change (his or yours)

- if his love is not as deep as ours

- if he’ll cling to other girl someday

- if you’re not part of his dreams or future plans

- if he’s faking

- if we won’t find another like him

- if we’ll be left alone . . . unloved

- and more of worse

but hey, so what if all of ‘em did happen? yeah, from shame, bend and break, feelin’ so freakin’ stupid, heart bleed, crying, to devastated, dying, trauma, and suicidal thought syndrome attack might destroy you. but it won’t kill. it’s just something that you need to go through

our part, is to let one know when we really have something special for that person. if you can’t say it, show it. life is short. there is no time to leave important words unsaid. take chance on the one you consider “connected”. it rarely happens. if it hurts in the end (been in a severe ones), love anyway. it will lead you somewhere. fall in love or being loved or both is a bless. not all people have the chance to feel one or all of that. me . . . to know the one that i love, live life happily is happy enough i know i’m pathetic

we could never control people’s heart nor feeling. no matter how huge our selfish demand and wish on him to fully love us back. however,we can control ours. we just need to be a lil braver to accept the fact. when it’s yours, it’s yours lil voice inside whispers that. yeah, easier said than done i know.

isn’t Love should make us happy and give “self-developing/productive/creative” effect? if it ruins many plans in life, or hurt your heart, or makes you cry most of the times, or brings bad effect at most things, then there’s gotta be something need to be re-consider. does he actually worth your heart or not.  i believe when one loves you, he will do the talk and show it and you can feel it (as randy said: ignore what he said, pay attention to what he did). being away and have some time for yourself to think is always a good thing to do. especially with the family. you’ll feel better and “fuller” inside

great, i just realized that i not only don’t answer your question but also talk like heavily drunk weirdo. but i feel relieved. whahahahaha. sorry

so, let’s find ourselves back i will find you whenever i start to lose myself how i miss our kitchen shit talk. hope things are getting better. cheers, to a happy life ahead, as we only live once. for there’s always a tomorrow. a chance to start a new

shoot, would love to blabber more, but seriously need to continue on this so called study thingy. you too, right?

ich vermiss dich so!
Liebe Grüße, Schatz!

tu pac lives in you

ain’t no mountain high enough

dedicating another silly story of mine for my badly missed people. so, i’ve always been wanting to try to climb this mountain since . . . last month *well, last year actually* it’s that legendary top icon of Japan. Japan’s highest and most prominent mountain: FUJI-SAN aka MOUNT FUJI. thought to do it 2 weeks ago, but for some reasons i had to cancel it. got unexpected climbing invitation from a friend, and excitedly accepted it.

borrowed so many climbing stuffs from friends (well, i did contribute something for myself: tiny lil guts ) and ready to beat that mountain. so, it was the four of us. me, my friend, and another two friends. off from shizuoka around 3 am by car. the mountain is divided into ten stations with the first station at the foot of the mountain and the tenth station being the summit. well, the plan was to put the car at 5th station, from where most people start their ascent. however, due to this catastrophic traffic (soo many cars were lining up to 5th station). we put the car in around 7km before 5th station. let’s picture this:

- my friend: a super sporty girl, regularly exercises in the gym

- another two friends: active young guys, holding records of 5 times climbing FUJI-SAN (it was their 6th times!)

- me: last sport i did was fencing, on my college years, 1st year! almost like 10 years ago

see how extensive the physical condition contrast among us? so, i was thinking: great, maybe i can only make it till 5th station. or even faint at the 4th station. so, we start walking to 5th sation. somehow, we made it *we = me included* took a short break. we could see the peak and seemed near and reacheable, but hey, we could also see the sun and it’s not near at all. remembering my motivation to reach the peak: to give birthday greeting for a dear friend and  . . . well i just wanna know how it looks like up there.

so, took a pee (toilet still free at 5th station ), put lotsa 50 spf sunblock, hat, gloves, sunglass, and continuing mission. it was a bright sunny day, hot like hell, but scenery along the way up was clearely viewed. soo many people were there. kids, elderly, hot hunks self-climbers (what a waste, need a companion, handsome? huahahahaha ), some also climbs in style!

- 6th station: saw some vending machine there. drink like crazy. ankle hurts

- 7th station: okay, that’s it! enough is enough! until . . . i saw this old lady (around 70 years old or older perhaps), alone, going down, passed me by. fine! i’ll try a bit more

- 8th station: okay, i definitely will stop now. altitude sickness is on. inhaling oxygen-in-a-can like crazy. doesn’t seem really workin’ though. shoot! until . . . i saw this cute lil girl (around at her 1st year elementary) climbing up, laughing and looks happy. fine! i’ll try a tiny little bit more

- 9th station: ankle numb, dying, crying outloud inside . . . but it’s one more station to go

- 9.5th station: uncle f*cker! NINE and HALF?! what’s with the HALF?! continue climbing while swearing by heart

- 10 station: alive and speechless . . . can’t think of any

and just when i thought it’s really really the peak, a guy told us that the real peak is “right there” around 30 minutes to go. uwhaaaat?! it’s not the real peak. why on earth is *** ooh, tooo tired to swear even by heart.

well, i went there okay! the real peak of the peak. aaaand . . . the view was so breathtaking it is rewarding.

but it was not over yet of course. i had to go down. noooooo! lookin’ around if there’s an airplane or helicopter that’ll give me a ride? or para glide renting, perhaps? pretend dying so that some (brave-good looking) paramedic team will come and rescue me (like in my snowbutt experience case)? or should i dig my own grave and burried my self there? or just jumped out in that beautifull blue sky? well, since if i die i couldn’t share this story to you, i gotta stay alive a little longer ^^v

miracle do happen. arrived alive at where we started. reached home at 9 pm. took a shower, eat wildly like a camel (i don’t care if camel’s not a wild animal, allright). and sleep by holding severe pain all over my body and soul.

i never thought i made it. woke up early on the next day, pinched my feet, and scream cos it still freaking hurts, and realized that it is not a dream. it’s officially become one of my lifelong memories

as the Japanese say, a wise man climbs Fuji once, and a fool twice. well, since i am fool enough, we’ll see will i do it again next year

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will.
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with the twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worse,
that YOU MUST NOT QUIT.

do it anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.